


We are not over

by M_K_Dockery



Category: Girls (TV)
Genre: 2 years later, F/M, Fix It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:20:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26290270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_K_Dockery/pseuds/M_K_Dockery
Summary: Almost two years after Grover is born, and Hannah moved upstate Adam has been working to grow up and change... Waiting patiently for the opportunity to see her again. To fix it....
Relationships: Hannah Horvath & Adam Sackler, Hannah Horvath/Adam Sackler, Hannah/Adam
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

Adam sat in the apartment he shared with no one. His coffee sat before him and he was dressed in a clean black shirt with dark washed jeans. Knee jiggling nervously as he looked at his clock on the wall as it ticked. 

He had heard she was coming back. 

It had been over twenty months since he had seen Hannah. Since she left for upstate with her new son. Grover…he shouldn’t have been some surfers, unwanted kid. Grover should have been theirs but in his idiocy, he had fucked with her and messed her up again thereby making him more lost than he ever had been. 

Jessa was bored with his moods in less than four months. Two months more than he thought.

He had been single since then. No sex, no hookups. Just focused on fixing his broken self. 

Standing he paced as he resisted going to the window to peek. 

Breaking he went down. Elijah’s apartment was just three floors down. Where he and Hannah used to live together. He could hear voices and he pressed his ear against the door and his stomach dropped to the floor. It was a baby that babbled on the other side. 

He felt the beginnings of a tear come as he held his breath waiting to hear her voice but he could not hear it. 

Knocking he leaned on the door frame trying to take the weight off his knees which felt were wobbly. He felt like he was going to be sick, but he had waited too long. 

“Hey,” Elijah said as he opened the door. “Ugh, yeah…she is in the bathroom,” he said his voice low. “She ate some bad gas station food, and she has been there for a while.” 

Adam shook his head. “Oh, great.” he went inside and looked to the sitting area and there was a kid, a rather round and sticky looking munchkin. 

He scanned the room nervously. “Does she know I was coming by?” he whispered. 

Elijah shook his head. 

Adam looked around and sighed swinging his hands nervously. “Do you know if she is single?” 

Their mutual friend shrugged. “Haven’t chatted much. It smells like an atomic taco bell burrito exploded in there and I just…. I just can’t have a chat under those conditions.” he looked to the kid. “But Junior is not any better. I think his pants are loaded too.” 

Adam frowned. “I can take care of that,” he said and went to the kid and found the bag on the couch. 

“Would you!” Elijah smiled. “You are my fairy pooh mother.” 

“Who are you talking to Elijah?” Hannah asked from the bathroom. 

Elijah winced. “Just Grover.” He lied. “Courtesy flush will you!” 

She groaned. “I have twice already!” 

Adam went to the kid and he seemed willing to go to him since Adam held a clean diaper in his hand. 

“Shouldn’t he be potty trained?” Elijah asked from the kitchen in a whisper. 

Adam shrugged. “These are pull-ups. He has been in a car for a long time.” he looked to the kid uncomfortably. “accidents happen…especially when you are this young.” 

It was as he was changing Grover that he looked at him. He had Hannah’s eyes and he felt that familiar clenching in his stomach when he stared at one of their pictures together. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “I am Adam.” He ripped the sides of the pull-up and took the baby wipes out and wiped up the bottom. “Jesus… What does your mother feed you?” he muttered. 

Putting the nasty diaper to the side with a disgusted face Elijah came to him. “Give it to me. Don’t just set it down…” 

Adam handed it over and put the legs in the leg holes and yanked up and set the kid down with just his pull-ups on his bottom. 

“There, I might want to light a candle-“ Hannah came out and froze. “Adam,” she said seeing his head poking above the couch and the Grover running to her with bare legs. 

“Mommy poopies.” he jabbered. 

“What are you doing here?” Hannah asked with wide eyes. “Did you set me up?” she asked Elijah. “You insisted I come here… that I had to sign something…” she picked up her son and sighed. “Fuck. I came for a writing convention and now I have Adam back in my orbit.” 

“Hannah, I want to talk to you,” he said moving to his feet. “I just…” he could not find the words. 

Hannah shook her head. “Damnit Adam, and you Elijah….you are all lying cheating fucking….”

“Fucking.” Grover said with a gleeful smile. 

She looked to her son and she rolled her eyes. “Shit…” 

“Shit…” the toddler said. 

Elijah laughed. “Go talk to him and I will watch the little sailor here.” 

She rolled her eyes. “There is no way out of this interaction is there?” 

Elijah scratched his beard. “Not unless you want me to start stalking you…might bring back old memories…” he smiled tenderly as he looked at her sweaty pale face from eating bad gas station food. “You need fresh air…” he offered. 

She scoffed. “I need to remain close to a toilet.” 

He nodded. “Well there is that Italian restaurant down the corner, they have clean…” he hesitated. “Clean bathrooms, and you can have a small break from your son.” 

She pulled off her sweatshirt and he was shocked to find her much smaller. He even frowned in curiosity at the changes she had gone through physically since he last saw her. 

“Fine.” she looped the shirt around her narrower waist and her boobs were larger from the process of becoming a mother. “Let's get this over with.” she handed the baby off to Elijah. “I won't forgive you for this.” 

Her friend chuckled. “Neither will I…I hate children!” 

Outside the apartment Adam looked at her nervously, she looked so different, did he look as different to her. 

“What?” she asked. 

He blinked. “It’s just you look different.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, kinda a babe now?” 

He frowned. “You were always a babe…” 

She sighed. “Adam, what is this all bout?” she looked around. “Did the latest girlfriend drop you?” she asked. 

He shook his head. “I haven’t dated in almost two years…which is a financially stupid move in this economy,” he said seriously. 

She animatedly rolled her eyes. “Like I believe that.” 

He looked at her seriously. “I haven’t.” he stuffed his hands into his pockets nervously and shrugged. “I was a mess when you knew me,” he told her. “You, you were….Hannah… I never really believed in soul mates until you and I…and then I doubted myself, and you….” he kicked at a can to a trash can. “Hannah… I have been working for two years to become a healthy person for you… Not that you would have me.” he shuddered slightly. “But so that I could have a chance.”

“Not a fucking chance in hell,” she said simply. 

He looked to her sadly. “That is fair, but allow me tonight to… I don’t know… offer closure or…hope that I can change your mind.” 

She shook her head. “Why would I? I am going out because you are offering me free dinner, and I just barfed and shit out the entire contents of my body. But I am not giving you the night.” 

He laughed and shook his head. She was always a bit uncouth. “If dinner is all I have then so be it,” he said. “I will just keep ordering food.” 

At the table, Adam looked seriously at her. His face was anything but relaxed. He looked to be memorizing everything about the moment. 

“What are you doing?” she frowned over her menu. 

He swallowed. “Just committing the moment to memory.” his lip trembled. “I fucked up my proposal last time we were together.” 

She scoffed. “Can we not talk about that?” 

He shook his head. “I cant not think about it, so I need to talk about it.” 

She huffed. 

“I didn’t understand what I wanted… I was scared of being alone… and to be honest, Jessa drove me insane. Her energy drained me, and she was always chasing thrills and different kinds of highs.” he leaned forward. “I thought you having a baby was my last chance to convince you to be with me.” he sighed. “Then I could not even do that right.” 

“Did you go back to Jessa?” she asked curiously. 

He nodded. “Yeah… I kinda had nowhere to go, but she left four months later like I thought she would. Tired of my bullshit, and me hers.” he sighed. “I got really low, but then my agent got me that gig…I don’t know if you heard about it?” he started. 

She shook her head. “I didn’t and I don’t want to know,” she told him. 

He nodded understanding. He had cast her aside when things were going well with him and then he made a movie about them and how she was fucking him up. A heartbreaking film dedicated to his perspective in their torrid and tragic relationship. 

The waiter brought them drinks. A coke for him, and a bottle of wine for her. 

“I got a psychiatrist and a psychologist… I always hated the idea of shrinks before but they showed me how fucked up I was to you from the very beginning.” he put up his hands and leaned back with tears in his eyes and he drank half the bottle down. 

She shrugged. “So what were you hoping to accomplish?” she asked. “Hannah I am fixed! come and screw around with me for a few weeks, let me cum on your tits and degrade you as much as possible so that I have to spend a fortune in therapy again!” she mocked him but he took it. 

He deserved all of it. 

“….maybe months but in the end, you just be what you always have been? A fuck boy?” she rubbed at her eyes frustrated. “Ugh, I don’t have the patience for this. I have a child who co-sleeps and I am sleep deprived and I just drove a long way to come here earlier to meet with Elijah which turns out was a lie.” 

Adam nodded. “He told me you were coming. I begged him.” 

She leaned forward. “Adam. I am a mother, I have a life upstate. I also have a book deadline. I don’t have time for this drama.” she said as the breadsticks came and she bit into one and chewed it frustratedly. 

He nodded. “I want you to come back to New York,” he said. 

She laughed. “What? Even if I wanted to I can't afford it.” 

He shrugged. “I have a place. You would not need to work, just write, and I can afford part-time daycare so you could have more time,” he said earnestly. 

She laughed. “What? in your tiny month to month walk up?” she asked. “You offer the moon but I can never trust you.” 

He put up his hands. “I don’t live at the month to month place anymore. I live in your old building.” he shrugged nervously. “I bought the building. I make enough from rent and acting.”

She shook her head confused. “You own a building?” she asked. “The Adam I know could never commit to anything. Not a mortgage.” 

He laughed and covered his mouth. “Well…I kinda bought it outright. Easier to commit when you own it all.” 

He crossed his arms still nervous. “After that job that you don’t want to know about, I could afford the building. I wait till someone moves out and I renovate the unit and a new person moves in. I fix everything and well…it is honest work.” 

Hannah’s stern face fell. “I'm not moving in with you.” she shook her head not knowing what else to say but no.” 

“The apartment right below me is empty. It is a small one-bedroom, and has a small view on the fire escape.” he offered. “You don’t need to live with me. I have an apartment it’s furnished lightly…” he said. You would not need to bring much to just give it a try. Maybe just take a leave of absence from your job…for a month?” he offered. “Really anything.” 

She shook her head. “You are insane.” she noticed the waitress standing before them. 

“Ready?” she asked. 

Hannah smiled. “Yeah, I want the spaghetti with meatballs, and can you please bring me the dessert menu. I intend on eating my entire weight tonight since this bean pole is paying.” 

He smiled and blinked. “I am glad to see you have not lost your zest for food since the gas station incident.” his eyes sparkled with emotion and Hannah had to fold the menu and look away or her knees were about to turn into goo. 

The waitress frowned and turned to him. “I will have what she is having,” he said and handed the menu to her. 

Hannah shook her head. “I don’t even know if I want to rehash all this.” she rolled her eyes to look at the group around her. People on late afternoon dates. It was an early dinner, but it was happy hour and she intended to drink since this trip was turning out like this. 

He nodded. “I understand… I just hope to convince you to rehash it… I want you back.” he smiled sadly. “So what have you been doing other than motherhood for the last two years?” he asked. 

(End scene) 

Hannah pressed her hand against her lips as she relived the passionate kiss goodbye he had given her. 

Her palm clutched a key as she stood in front of the apartment Adam had insisted he at least look at. If she wasn't willing to take it he told her his was the top floor and to simply slide the key under the door. 

Her heartbeat as she debated not going in and sliding the key under the door anyway. 

With a deep breath, she could not resist a look. her eyes clenched as she started to berate herself for this weakness in her. This perverse curiosity when it came to her ex. 

“So are you going to go in?” Elijah came up behind her. 

“Oh shit, you scared me,” she said and looked around. “Elijah…where is Grover?” she asked. 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. one moment he was there and then he wasn't.” her friend said playfully. “I am JOKING!” he said dramatically. “Chill momma bear. He is sleeping just downstairs,” he said. 

She nodded and looked to the door. “I am afraid to open it.” 

He laughed. “Like afraid that it is a portal to another dimension. Bring it on!” he said and took the key from her. “I need to see this. It has been vacant since he moved out.” 

She shook her head. “out?” 

He turned the key for her. “Well.. this was the apartment he moved into after you left and the old windbag died. That was before he bought the place.” 

She looked as Elijah opened the door and it was a black hole inside but the moment Elijah stepped in there were motion-activated lights that turned on. 

“Oh my god,” she said as she took in the clean, and upgraded new york apartment. The kitchen was amazing, and there was a dining table for four at the round table that graced the center space near the kitchen. 

“Wow.” Elijah put his hands on his hips. “This…this is nice,” he said taking in all the clean molding and the exposed brick. “He gutted this place and started over.” he turned.

“It’s furnished,” she said looking at the new, but functional furniture that decorated the space in a minimal but functional way. 

It wasn’t Adam. He was the beat-up 1970’s broken leg couch kind of guy. 

He nodded. “He makes his own furniture now too. The basement has been changed into his workshop.”

She ran her finger over the perfectly varnished wood and sensed Adam's raw attention to detail and his way of simple beauty. 

She opened a door and found a small desk with a lamp and a single new laptop with her name on it. There was also a small toddler bed. 

“He planned this…” she whispered. 

Elijah shrugged, “Well duh. He moved here to be closer to the memory of you. He tried to get me out of the apartment and I went with it for a week until he was driven completely mad by it. He came back here and decided to make something new instead of living in the past.” 

She shook her head. “So you are like friends with him now?” she asked. 

Elijah shrugged. “I have dinner with him and Laird once a week. I mean they are both weird, but good people and with Adman being my landlord…well the rent is still good.” 

“He offered it for free, so I can write.” she scratched her head. 

“No…he wants to give you a chance to see he has changed,” he said simply. 

Hannahs brows rose and she shrugged. “But has he? Like…really?” she sighed. “I swore I would not walk this road again with him…” she felt tears enter her eyes. “You should have seen how he was the last I saw him.” she wiped her eyes. “He offered to marry me just to get into better housing.”

Elijah nodded. “I know…he told me everything. He was an ass. He is not anymore.” 

Sitting on the bed with a light grey comforter she looked around. “I would be an idiot not to take this. I mean it is close to my agent, my editor, and my publisher. I also would save a lot on a hotel room…” 

“Does that mean you are staying?” he asked. 

Hannah shrugged. “I mean maybe a month…just to see how it is. I will email my job and see what they say.”


	2. Chapter 2

Upstairs Adam had waited three hours staring at the base of the door wondering if the key would be slipped under. When it never happened a smile pulled at his mouth as he felt the relieving tears come. He had time… When he kissed her that night it may have not been the last time. 

He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into his bed alone and tried with some difficulty to not feel the ache for her. The need for her to be in his cold bed… 

A knock sounded just as he was lulled to light sleep. Groggily he went to the door and peeked through the hole and his stomach flip-flopping. When it came to Hannah all his confidence was now lost. 

Finally, he opened it. He was nervous she was going to reject him to his face. Suddenly he realized he was in his boxers and she was before him. 

“Oh…wow…” Hannah’s signature eye roll manifested. 

He looked around. “Sorry” and went to grab a dark robe. “You didn’t need to hand me the key,” he said with an air of depression. His heart threatening to crumble right there on his stoop. 

She shook her head. “Oh, I am not giving you back the key. I am taking it… at least for a month but only if you agree to leave me alone. Just be a neighbor I hardly see and sometimes bang on the ceiling to shut you up.” 

He swallowed. “And after a month?” he asked. “Can I take you out?” 

She shook her head. “No. If after a month you have given me space I might not be such a bitch to you,” she said with some slurred speech from her bottle of wine at dinner. 

He nodded. “You want to come in?” 

She shook her head. “No. I just wanted to be clear.”

“Okay,” he whispered and nodded as he looked to her but his heart soared.

She looked at him up and down. “I’m going to go now and put Grover to bed. The apartment is very nice.” she said grudgingly, “but I am not keeping the computer.” she said. 

He smiled and watched her leave hopeful that he could thaw that ice around her heart. 

—— 

He watched her go back Up-state the following Monday where he heard through Elijah that she was getting some things since she was staying longer. 

“She seems okay?” he asked. 

Elijah nodded. “She likes the apartment, and Grover liked the bed you made for him.” 

Adam smiled but it fell. “She wants me to stay away.”

Elijah shrugged. “Can you blame her?” he squinted

He shook his head. “No, I can’t. I just still wish…” he hesitated. “I still wish she would give me another chance.”

Elijah frowned and crossed his arms in a sassy manner. “Just how much of a chance are you thinking Adman? Look lover boy, I know you love her. I have known it for years, but you get cold feet just as bad as her. How far are you willing to go?” 

Adam grew solemn. “I want to marry her. I want a kid with her.” He swore and punched at the table. “I don’t give a shit about anything else. Everything I have done in the last two years has been a calculated choice to bring me back to her. To grow up and give her what she deserves…” 

Elijah swallowed. “Damn… I want to meet someone like you.” he laughed. “What if she gives you a chance but doesn’t want the same things. What if she is just happy with Grover, or of being a single mom?” he asked. 

Adam shook his head. “If that is what she wants then I will give it.” 

——

Hannah carried her naughty temperamental son over her shoulder and spanked his behind lightly. 

“Grover, you are going straight to bed when we get up there,” she said climbing the steps. 

“I thought that was you.” a familiar voice fell on her ears. 

Hannah looked up. “Oh, Caroline… It’s good to see you.” she smiled uncomfortably. 

“I see you are back.” she looked her up and down while frowning. “Got skinny.” 

Hannah laughed. “yeah, the miracle of breastfeeding and running to channel your growing anger and frustration at the devil spawn that sprung from me.” she smiled. “How is Sample?” 

Caroline shrugged. “She is channeling her inner self as she paints the walls with her bodily fluids and excrement. It may be gross but it is completely natural. Laird is inside cleaning it as she goes.” 

Hannah looked around and winced at how gross that sounded. 

“That’s, uh…that sounds creative.” she smiled. 

Caroline looked her over. “So…you gonna give my brother a shot or not?” she asked. “Two weeks and I know you haven’t seen him. Heck, I have hardly seen him…” she looked above them. “He hasn’t left his apartment in days for fear that he is going to break your request to stay away for a month.” 

Hannah blinked. “Oh, I didn’t mean he had to hide in his room,” she answered as her unruly childe ripped at her hair. 

“You know he bought this building because it was the only place he was ever truly happy,” Caroline said as Hannah went for the key. 

Hannah looked away and nodded. “Oh yeah?” she said dismissively. 

“That was a year and a half ago.” she crossed her arms. “All in a long plan of getting you to come back and here you are and you are not going to give my devoted hard-working brother a chance?” 

Hannah squeezed her eyes shut. “Look, I don’t really want to have this conversation with you when I need to get Grover down for a nap.” 

Laird came out. “I got it all cleaned up. Hey…Hannah…” he said frowning. “So…still giving Adam the cold shoulder?” 

Hannah sighed. “Well…me coming back was not contingent upon a relationship being reignited.” she defended exasperatedly. 

Caroline crossed her arms. “Why not? my brother wants to make you his wife, and raise your child. What about that is not igniting?”

Hannah put Grover down and he ran inside to his toys. 

“Look…Marriage is a big jump from what Adam and I discussed. He said I could stay here rent-free. I have a book to finish. It seemed a smart idea.” she said with a shrug. 

Caroline looked down her nose. “Oh, so you are just using my brother…” 

“Caroline!” Adams's voice came from above where his apartment was. “Stay out of it.” He breathed deeply and looked to Hannah apologetically. 

Caroline rolled her eyes. “You are just going to hide up in your apartment because she said she does not want to see you-“

He shook his head. “I would stand on my head if she asked and If I believed she really wanted it…” he vowed. “If she is using me…let her.” he glanced back at her. “I am her slave if she wanted.” he enunciated seriously. “You don’t get to judge Hannah with how you treat Laird.” 

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Whatever Adam,” she said casting a cold look Hannah’s direction. 

Adam leaned on the banister and sighed. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said and turned to go back to his apartment. 

Hannah watched him disappear and she looked around her confused then turned to Grover who was getting into the diaper bag and throwing the baby powder all around. 

“Grover no!” she shook her head. “You are going to give us lung cancer or something. I just read about it.” she reprimanded him.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam snuck out through the fire escape most days and avoided Hannah at all costs. He knew his chance depended on his restraint which was quickly waning. But he could not admit it. 

Jingling his foot he sat nervously as he looked out the window that evening. He could smell burnt noodles and he laughed to himself. 

He had been too nervous even after a month. He thought perhaps a bit longer to prove would not hurt. he had waited now years for this. He should let her come to him this time, instead of forcing himself on her. 

She was a big girl now. A mother, and from the sounds of it a pretty good one. 

He chewed his nail as he drank a nightly cup of coffee. He intended to work that night up on the roof varnishing some pieces. 

He wanted to beat himself off but like alcohol, he knew how addicting it was and he had done enough that week. 

Stretching the denim of his jeans he groaned as he thought of her and threw his head back. Unbuckling his pants he gave in but slowly. As if he had not broken but inched himself there. 

His chair screeched back as he scooted out to give himself room to pleasure himself. 

——-

Hannah stood at the stove and felt the depression of yet another rejection. But this one hit hard and it had all fallen apart and the macaroni burned from overcooking it and now she was falling apart over the kitchen stove. 

“Shit.” she threw the wooden spoon which was burnt at the end. 

Slipping to the ground she could hear movement above her and she thought about Adam. She smiled through her tears as she remembered him running through Brooklyn just to help her. She had been a mess. She feared this low would take her back to that level. Make her dependent on him again. 

Wiping her eyes she took Grover and picked him up. As she turned off the stove and put the burnt dinner aside. 

Three months Adam had given her a wide berth and she felt comfortable enough to approach him but now it had almost lapsed too far. It had been a full two years now since it had all ended and she was ready now or she was just weak. 

Regardless it was time to rip that bandaid off. Now her excuse to stay in Brooklyn was finished. She needed to talk to him. 

Taking the tablet with her and a box of goldfish she knew Grover would sit happily enough and watch rescue bots and snacks until this conversation was over with. 

Tentatively she knocked and her heart hammered in her neck until the door opened he was tucking his shirt back into his pants and hunching over slightly. 

“Hannah…” he said and his eyes lit up. “Is everything okay. The apartment alright?” 

She smiled and nodded. “The apartment is great.” 

He frowned and noticed the lingering tears in her eyes. “But you been crying.” he stood straighter as his hip hid behind his door as he willed his hard-on back down embarrassed and frustrated that now he had decided to play with himself. “I know what you look like when you pretend not to cry.” 

She nodded. “I just heard from my publisher. They have decided to pass. And my agent says I am too slow despite all the extra time I have had.” she sighed as her lip trembled. “I just don’t work well under pressure.”

Adam looked flustered and confused. 

"If I don't have a publisher I have no reason to stay," she said simply. 

He bit his lip and crossed his arms as he wrangled with that concept. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg her to stay but he knew that would not work. 

“You want to come in?” he settled on. “I was thinking about making something to eat.” 

She nodded. “I was trying to do that downstairs but I just burnt it.” 

He looked to Grover in her arms. “The place is kid-safe.” not mentioning the efforts he went to make sure it would be in hopes that Grover would one day call this penthouse apartment home one day. 

She entered the space. It was small she could see which confused her since she knew he had combined three apartments to make up the entire top floor. 

“Where is the rest of the apartment?” she asked. 

He looked at the large pocket double doors that he kept closed. He hardly went in there. 

“Oh, it is easier for me to just be out here. You know me, still a minimalist,” he said. “I don’t need such a big place.” 

Hannah scoffed. “That apartment I am staying in is not minimalistic.” she protested. 

He shrugged. “It is what I was told would bring me better renters that actually paid.” 

She frowned. “And yet you let me live there rent-free?” 

He smiled. “Well I am hoping you-“ he stopped himself. “I don’t want to talk about hopes…” 

Hannah looked at him. “Adam…” she shook her head. “So much has happened. There was so much between us…I think I am ready to understand.” she shook her head feeling a blush pink her cheeks. "I mean...I don't know." 

He looked at her with the intensity she had missed and he nodded. “You sure?” he watched as she put Grover down and he smiled to the kid. 

She put a show on for him and he went to the large picture window with a bench. 

“I will help you cook,” she said and smiled to him warmly. 

Twenty minutes later they were both laughing and he blinked at her tenderly. “Hannah… It’s always been you. The last two years I have just been hoping…praying and I am not even religious…I just wanted you to come back just so I could see you from time to time… Though I knew it would hurt.” 

She shook her head. “Where I did everything I could to forget this place, and you.” she sighed. “It never really worked.” 

He nodded. “Its because we got inside each other… you were not only my main hang, you were my best friend. When I found out Grover was coming I was upset…” he shook his head. “I was upset that we had been so careful and we never had any accident that would tie us together. I hated that you could just shut me out of your life when I could not do the same to you.”

She wiped her eyes. 

“I know my proposal was shit, but Hannah….I didn't know how to understand and then explain what I felt, but it was fear and loss…and love all at once and it drowned me to the point that I was grasping for you and I had you…but it was wrong. You were scared about being a mom….you didn’t love me anymore. You just didn’t want to do it alone I saw that finally...” he shook his head. “I could not take advantage of you like that.”

She looked up at him her eyes full of emotion. 

“I realized at that diner that I could not tie you to me through fear. You had to do this on your own.” he looked to Grover. “And he is great. He looks intact, and well… You seem more confident and sure of yourself than ever.” 

She shook her head and leaned forward. Adam could hardly believe it and he leaned forward too. “I don’t want to scare you off, but you don't need to leave because this deal fell through. You will find another,” he whispered. “I want to go whatever speed you need just as long as you are in it for the long haul.” 

Hannah blinked back tears. “I don’t know if I can trust you, but you do seem more…” she shook her head. “I don’t know.” 

Pulling her into his arms he pressed her against him. his hands did not recognize her but his lips did, his nose inhaled her and he knew this was the woman he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. The woman he would never let go or give her reason again to leave. 

Their bodies collided and he pressed her against the counter. 

“Grover…” she whispered reminding him of their audience. 

Adam smiled and looked at him. “I can get Laird to come and take him.” 

She pushed back. “No Adam. I think we need to go slow. Not jump into bed with each other.” she sighed. “Just ….just have dinner together and then I will go put him to bed,-“ she said with a smile. 

He nodded. “Sure…As slow as you want. You got it kid.” he smiled and his eyes shone with relieved tears. 

She smiled and pulled him back to her. “Thank you.”


	4. Chapter 4

They had been taking it slow. Watching Tv, holding hands…sometimes he would forget himself and fall into his old overly physical self but was quick to sense when she froze and would gently pat her head and pull back with a bashful in apology in the form of a tight-lipped smile. 

He had almost sensed a softening, but then she was aloof again. 

Grover sitting on his shoulders that afternoon on the way to the park terrified the kid but soon with grasping cheeto’ed fingers against Adam's cheek he felt his heart soar but fear burned low in his gut. 

He could not lose this… Whatever this was. 

Grover was growing to trust him as a friendly giant and he was near Hannah. The was the happiest he had been in such a long time, and it was a glimpse of what the rest of his life could be. 

But Hannah seemed distant. 

“What is it?” he asked after he had set Grover down on the sand. 

She bit her lip. “Marnie keeps calling and wondering why now that the book has been rejected why I don’t get back there. She is angry that rent is due and I should be sending her some but since I am not back at the university and I don’t have the rest of the money coming…” she bit her lip. “Hey, at least I got to keep the advance, and well, I could-” 

He shook his head. “Wait, hold on, you are talking too fast.” he smiled and turned. “Marnie is mad, why? Do you guys like, live together?”

Hannah nodded. “Yeah, she keeps me grounded, my mom too.” she bit her quivering lip. “You know I am still crazy right?” 

Adam's eyes softened and he gathered her to him. “Oh kid.” he shook his head. “Do you need to go back to work?” he asked his throat constricted. They had only just started to become something, kinda, again and now he had to find a way to do right by her. 

She huffed. “I don’t want to go back… I mean I do, but on like weekend and holiday…” she closed her eyes and sighed. “But I don’t have that life. I don’t have that kind of income.” she looked at him. “I mean, this is just like…we….we are-“ 

Adam closed his eyes pained. “Look Hannah, I let you leave once and I reacted wrong. If you want to go back I am still here. Maybe I could go up there for a while… get a place of my own just to be close.” 

She gasped. “You would do that?” she blinked. 

He nodded. “I don’t want to lose you. But if you need to go back I will follow if you allow. Or wait here…” He sighed his heartbreaking. “I will be like that dog that kept going to the train-station waiting Richard Ghere.” 

She shook her head. “I can't ask you to do that.” she threw her head back frustrated. 

“Do you have a Mortgage?” he asked. 

She nodded. 

“I can take care of a few months if you like.” he offered. 

She shook her head. “Adam, I can't ask you to do that.” 

He shrugged. “Will your job hold for you?” he asked. 

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “I am kind of the only teacher they have for the subject so yeah… I think they will. But I can't take your money.” 

He shrugged. “Pay me back when you get your next advance…I am not going to beg. But I will ask, just stay here and keep giving us a chance to go at our own pace.” he leaned forward. “That is what I want. I don’t feel used, or taken advantage of Hannah. Take the money and stay.” he shrugged seriously with emotion. “I owe you so much already.” 

“Owe me?” she questioned. “You don’t owe me anything.” tears gathered and her lip trembled. “Truth is I haven’t changed. I am the same selfish little brat who always needs someone.” she looked to Grover. “I am a crap mom too.” she sniffed. 

Adam shook his head. “No, you are not. You are great with him. Real. Most other moms are fake and try to shield their kids from their dysfunction. You just let it all hang out.…” he looked to the kid who moved among the others on the crowded playground 

She sat in silence at his words silently sobbing. 

“Can we get a pizza I just want to binge on carbs, and candy tonight.” she sobbed. 

He offered her a closed-lipped smile and pulled her against him and kissed her head. “Sure we can if that means we are eating together.” 

She turned to him and rolled her eyes. “We almost always eat dinner together lately.” 

He nodded. “As it should be if we are going to try to be a family. Complete with someone fighting over the last piece.” 

She found herself smiling nervously at the idea. 

“Will you take the money?” he asked. 

She squeezed his hand. “I will think about it.” she winced. “But you need to understand why I am hesitant. I am always bailed out.” 

He touched her cheek and shook his head. “Look Hannah…partners are supposed to do that.” He touched her nose with his. “I bailed on you when you needed me. I have tried to count the times,” he tried to control the emotion that took over his voice and looked up and away. “but honestly there were many traumatic blackouts on my behavior over the years.” 

She shook her head. “Let’s not go there-“ 

“No, look, we don’t talk about this, but Hannah… I fucked you over, then I fucked your best friend and contributed to many mental health issues you have suffered. I did that. I won't ever do it again. I will be whatever you want me to be.” he said. “If it is your domestic partner, and best friend so be it… I just want to hold your hand through life,” he said slipping his into hers. “I don’t need anything else.” 

She scoffed. “You mean you would willingly watch me date?” she protested. 

Adam's eyes darkened. “Well not very willingly.” he looked her in the eye seriously. “Come on Hannah. You know I want to be your guy, but I am resolved to take whatever role you give me and I will and method act it so hard that I become it.” he smiled and nodded. 

Her smile was genuine now but still, she did not believe him. He could not be happy watching her go out with others. She knew he would trash something and it warmed something inside of her. Her heart? Was he reaching that again?


	5. Chapter 5

Their conversations at the park were often their best. Grover was off playing and they would meander around the playground in conversation, or sit on a bench and nibble on something. 

Hannah’s smiles at the park that day were full and the sun seemed to shine with an endless light for a time. But then she looked down in remembrance. 

“What?” Adam asked leaning over and kissing her neck as he joined her since Grover had made a friend and seemed to no longer require either of their attention. 

She shook her head shyly. 

“Come on,” he said longing to coax it from her. 

She looked away trying to ignore him but he just stood up and crouched in front of her. 

“What is it Hannah?” he asked seriously. “Tell, me. Anything. I’m not scared about it I don’t want you to be either.” 

She reluctantly looked at him and rolled her eyes exasperated. 

“It’s something you said weeks ago,” she said. “No…months maybe.” 

He frowned concerned he said something to upset her. 

“You said you wished we had an accident.” she bit her lip not sure what she wanted from this conversation. Just something about it flattered her far more than she wished it had. 

He looked down and nodded as he swallowed hard. “Remember Hannah, we go at your pace.” he took her hands in his. “I would not do anything… I would not…” he struggled to word his sentence. “I would not trap you or anything.” 

She nodded. “Oh I know.” she smiled. “You never did.” she shook her head. “I remember how careful we were. never once did we even have a scare.” she swallowed. 

He looked down sadly. “And that bothers you huh?” he asked. 

He ran his hand and thought of Mimi-Rose and how he had not been careful with her, or string of other women he had fucked around without a thought…. But Hannah he had always been careful. For years now he could not explain why and he had discussed the very topic with psychiatrists. 

She shrugged pulling his internal thoughts to her words. “I don’t know. I mean when we were first dating you said you did not use condoms with other girls… but with me-“ 

He nodded. “I was an idiot, and an asshole then. I can’t defend who I used to be. I can't even explain who or why I was like that…” he reached up and ran his fingers through her hair. 

She frowned at his answer, having expected some kind of answer. 

“Hannah, if we get intimate again the use or none use of condoms are going to be entirely up to you.” 

She shook her head. “Wait, what?” 

“If you want another kid, or have a knocked up risky fuck fetish,” he shrugged. “I am in.” he chopped the air with his hand to show how serious he was. “Hannah. I am in all the way,” he said. 

Hannah’s mouth dropped into a half-open gawk. 

“I want to be Grovers dad…if, and at the timing of your choosing of course,” he put up his hands to show it was her with the power, “I want to be a biological dad someday, but only with you.”

She looked stunned into silence and seemed to have turned to stone. 

Adam not knowing what to say continued. “It is an open marriage proposal that I don’t want you to answer now. Answer when you are ready, a week from now or ten years. Just be with me.” he begged. “I want whatever you want, as long as it is together.” 

She blinked and felt tears enter her eyes and shook her head and tried to laugh as the wheels started turning in her brain again. “You mean if I told you I wanted to go at it raw tonight, nothing standing in the way you would do it?” she asked pushing him back a little. 

He nodded. “Yeah. It would be poetic, right?” he smiled. “First time ‘again’, last time you were pregnant, this time we would be trying…” he shook his head. “You’re ‘fuckin’ with me, aren't you?” 

She shoved at him again and smiled. “You were entirely serious right there, weren’t you?”

He nodded. “Yes. Fast or slow it is you at the driver's wheel. I just told you where I want us to go.” 

She looked to Grover and then leaned forward. “I think we should get Elijah to watch Grover tonight and we should have an adults-only movie night.” 

He smiled and leaned forward and kissed her. “Good, I was tiring of ‘Let it Go’ blondie.” he 

Hannah leaned forward and whispered. “I have an IUD so condoms are not necessary.” 

He frowned disappointed briefly. “That could give you cancer, you should think about getting it out.” then he smiled realizing she was implying they would have sex again. 

She shoved at him and laughed. “Trying to increase the odds of knocking me up?” 

He shook his head. “We would have to start having sex to do that.” 

——

Adam laid back and just silently cried after she had fallen asleep. Her body was entirely different. Smaller waist. Not thin, or waspy, but smaller. And her tits were a bit weird but he knew that had to be from having a kid. Her tattoo’s had even been partially lasered off. 

His Hannah had changed so much and it made him sad. The extra love handles she had strangely comforted him before. Now he knew why… He did not like thinking other men would sniff around her, but now she just lost what ten fucking pounds, or maybe thirty, he had no notion. But it was more than he was used to associating with her. He felt threatened by her looks now. A girl like her could do better than him. Especially considering their sordid history. 

“What is it?” she asked as she turned over. 

He pulled her into his arms. “Just fuckin thinking about all the men I am going to have to beat up for looking at you.” 

She looked up confused. “What?” 

He looked at her in his arms. “Shhh. Go to sleep. I am just glad you are back.” he said pulling her into his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in a Writing COMPETITION with VOCAL MEDIA 
> 
> Please go to this link and read my short story: It will help up my chances to win, but it will also help me in boosting my (real writing career) 
> 
> https://vocal.media/stories/call-of-the-black-book

Months later Adam chewed his nail as he watched Grover sleep on the bench window seat. He was lonely when she slept away from him. Since coming back together she only slept over two times a week. Splitting Grovers time between Caroline and Laird and Elijah. 

But why did they need to be apart anymore?

“Why don’t you stay.” he whispered. Four months of them having sex, five months of them dating again and 8 months of her moving in to the apartment below. It was not too early to ask even though he was still determined to go at her pace. 

“His bed is down stairs.” she shrugged in regards to Grover. 

He shook his head. “He has a bed up here.” he whispered shyly. His eyes did not meet hers. 

She looked around to the small studio place as he stood and went to the locked pocket doors. 

“So I am finally going to see what is on the other side of these doors?” she asked. “I was sure this would be a mystery for life.” she laughed. 

He turned around before opening them. “I wanted to wait. I did not want to overwhelm you, and I am not asking you to move in….” he stopped himself. “Unless you want to. I mean I want you to, but I mean it’s … nothing needs to change. I just…” he corrected. “I don’t like sleeping without you.” he confessed. 

Hannah stood awkwardly. 

“The bed is cold.” he said echoing the film he made. 

“Just show me.” she frowned her stomach suddenly doing flip flops. 

He held off. “No. I need you to understand what it is.” he said. “I don’t even use this space. This was made kinda like that old movie, if you build it they will come. Close Encounters. I don’t want it to freak you out.” he said nervously, his eyes could not meet hers for the shame of it. 

“Jesus Adam, what is in there?” she put her hand on his chest. “Your heart is racing.” 

He nodded and pressed his head to hers. “I want you to like it and not think I am crazier than I am already known to be…” 

She nodded weighing his words then frowned and shrugged. 

“Show me.” 

He moved aside and she went to the doors and slid them wide open. A large sectional couch graced the space with a television on the wall. She frowned thinking of all the films they had watched on his bed in the main area of the apartment on a small laptop, only it wasn’t anymore. 

“What the fuck?” she said. “You mean to tell me we have been watching movies on a small screen when we could have been watching on this?” she asked. 

He shrugged. “I don’t need all that by myself. But with a family…” he shrugged and crossed his arms. She found a hall and looked down it. “Where does that go?” 

He shrugged. “To the bedrooms.” 

She looked stricken for a long moment. 

“Bedrooms and the other bathrooms…” he said again. 

“so this is where you have been hiding the three other apartments that used to be here.” she said going down and came to a room and she turned on the light and found a black and blue wall with a detailed solar system. 

“Caroline did that.” he said. His eyes trailing about the details of the room. “I think it is pretty good.” 

Hannah took in the furnishings. A hand made bed with drawers under the bed and another low dresser with a bunch of already assembled lego’s stored high on a shelf out of reach just in case he was too young to play with them. 

“Wow.” she whispered. 

“Do you like it?” he asked. 

She nodded and felt tears in her eyes. “I think you were more ready for him than me. He had been co sleeping mostly since I never really had a bedroom for him. Or a bed.” she rolled her eyes. 

“You are a great mom.” he said and hugged her. 

She smiled and wiped her eyes. “It just makes me think about when you asked me to marry you when I was fat and pregnant…” she shook her head and sighed. 

He bent down. “Don’t think about that.” He commanded. “You had every reason to refuse me.” 

She nodded. “But you did all this.” 

He nodded. “I wouldn’t have worked so hard had I not entirely lost you.” 

She wiped her eyes again. 

“Do you want to see the rest, or was that enough?” he asked. 

She shook her head and laughed through her tears. “So how many bedrooms?” she asked. 

He smiled. “Four and a library, or office.” 

She clicked the light off and went down the hall and found the other two bedrooms. One had a bed, but that was it. 

“Where is the master?” she asked. 

He smiled. “On the other side of the living room. It has a view of the park.” he said. 

She pushed past him and raced there and when she came to it she stopped. It was a simple four poster bed without any sheets. 

“Why don’t you live in here?” she asked. 

He shrugged. “I thought it would just upset me to live a life I didn’t have.” he said. “I would have just punched holes in the walls.” he stuck his hands in his pockets. “So instead, I closed it off and lived in the part that I needed.” 

She went to the bathroom and screamed. “What the fuck!” she shook her head. “Fine. I am staying the night.” 

He smiled wide. “I will go move Grover.” 

She nodded and looked around a moment but then raced into the other room. “Let me come.”  
She said. “Maybe he will be home for the first time, in his own bed.” 

He held the sleepy toddler in his arms and blinked. “What?” 

She bit her lip nervously. “I think I want to… Move in that is.” 

He smiled. “And marriage maybe?” 

She nodded. “Yeah. Maybe.” 

He readjusted the child in his arms and passed her. The child that was coming closer and closer to being his son. 

“Would a ring change that maybe into a yes?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Lets see how moving in works.” 

He nodded and beamed and went to put the child in his bed tucking the light weight blanket over him. 

“Think he will be scared when he wakes?” he asked. 

She frowned. “Maybe. He will get used to it.” she said touching his shoulder. 

Adam grabbed her hand then pulled her to him. “Come, let me draw you a bath.” he said. “I have all that stupid bubble shit you could ever want.” he said sweeping her into his arms. 

“What are you doing?” she asked. 

He kissed her neck. “Shhh. just go with it.” 

In the tub she could get used to this. It was huge and could fit him and her both. In fact she could likely swim in it if she wanted. And it had a gas fireplace next to it. 

“How is everything so clean.” she marvled. 

He shrugged. “I pay a maid to clean up weekly. “Since I never go in here he has always been cheap.” he laughed. “I caught him trying to stay here once.”

She giggled. “I wonder why. You strategically designed this so that I would want it, didn’t you?”

He scoffed. “Obviously. And you have not even seen your space. You haven’t gone beyond the bath.” he accused. 

“You carried me here and insisted I take a bath!” she protested and splashed him. 

Fully clothed he jumped in and all splashing the floor with water but a drain was installed that made it safe to leave. 

He peeled off his clothes and she did too as their mouths danced. 

Later they make the master bed but she tries to dissuade him sayin they could use the one in the other room. The one he used. 

He shook his head. “We are together now, this is our bed.” he said pulling the sheets on it and then her bringing the comforter. 

Climbing in bed naked she grinned. “So we live together now….Again.” 

He nodded. “Only this time you or I wont be leaving unless it is together. No more childish miscommunication or no communication. ” 

She looked up at him full of hope. “Promise?” 

He nodded. “I promise, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please again, check out my short story up for BIG COMPETITION. 
> 
> https://vocal.media/journal/call-of-the-black-book
> 
> It is only four pages long.


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